


Must Be A Masochist

by Ultra



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Inspired by Music, Lost Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Music, Philadelphia, Post-Season/Series 07 AU, Post-Series, Reunions, San Francisco, The Bangles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 21:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9290474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: Post- Season 7. Logan stumbles upon a reminder of Rory and realises one of the main reasons she couldn't commit to him forever was because her heart belonged to another, but what will he do with that knowledge?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by repeated listenings of 'The Best of The Bangles' with a head full of Logan-Rory-Jess love triangle stuff, and written before seeing the revival episodes.
> 
> (Lyrics belong to The Bangles and other folks that aren't me)

“Seriously, Logan? I mean, I’ll give you the fact they’re hot chicks, but you actually listen to this?”

He looked up from his paperwork to see what Finn was talking about, frowning at the sight of the CD in his hand. No, he didn’t listen to that. He never owned a copy in his life, but he knew why it was here.

“That’s Rory’s,” he said shortly, pain evident in even those two short words.

Finn sucked air through his teeth and put the CD to one side.

“Sorry, mate,” he muttered, flipping through the rest of the music on offer.

He must have found what he wanted pretty fast and was then out of the door before Logan hardly had time to react. Honestly, he stopped hearing anything Finn said after the CD box was first waved under his nose, or maybe before that, after all, it was Finn.

Reaching down to retrieve the CD, Logan gave the case a cursory glance then shoved the disc into the stereo, dropping down onto the couch to listen. The opening beats of 'Walk Like An Egyptian' made him smile, almost laugh in fact. In his mind’s eye he saw Rory shimmying across their apartment back in New Haven. She really loved The Bangles, a passion she got from her mother, he knew. God only knew how her ‘Best Of’ album got in amongst his CDs and travelled with him right across the country, but here it was.

Pulling the cover art from the case, Logan frowned on realising that the book of lyrics contained more than printed text. Somebody had been doodling in the margins and around the edges of each set of lyrics. He knew the handwriting and would have done so even if he hadn’t known who once owned the CD. Rory had love hearts drawn in corners, smiley faces too, but what was more telling were the markings in amongst the lyrics themselves. She had certain parts underlined and circled, things that were supposedly significant at some time or other.

‘Feels so good, when we kiss. Nobody ever made me crazy like this’ was marked in the words to ‘In Your Room’, whilst in ‘James’, the following was underlined; ‘And I must be a masochist to ever take up with you’. Further through the pages, Logan found the title of ‘Complicated Girl’ with stars around it for emphasis, and then further still, a large question mark was circled by ‘When it’s over, when it’s done, let it go’.

There was a part of Logan that almost thought this had something to do with him. That Rory’s scribblings were a reaction to their own relationship at some point. A fight, a break up, the overall mess they had found themselves in at one time or other. He realised he was wrong when he closed the book and caught sight of something doodled in a space on the back. A love heart bore Rory’s own name and that of another man.

“Jess.”

Logan sighed, shaking his head a moment before throwing himself back into the couch cushions with his eyes closed. Pinching the bridge of his nose to stave off a headache that seemed inevitable, he tried to resist the urge to start drinking so early in the afternoon.

The CD skipped to the next track and had barely begun when Logan’s eyes popped open very suddenly. He stared at the stereo as if he was accusing it of something, and then reached for the CD booklet one more time. Flipping open to the lyrics of track two he found no markings at all on the text in Rory’s hand. Pretty ironic given the title.

“If she knew what she wants,” he said to himself.

Logan smiled.

* * *

The bell rang over the door and Jess barely noticed. Customers came and went from the book store attached to Truncheon Publishing, and unless he found them venturing near the counter or asking for his assistance, he just let them be. Most preferred that. Certainly he wasn’t ready for what happened next.

“Jess Mariano,” said a voice he barely recognised, but looking up, he knew the face.

“The blond dick from Yale,” he said on purpose, meeting Logan’s gaze. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Logan said nothing at first, only smiled slightly as he placed something down on the counter between them, closer to Jess’ side than his own. Jess looked down and his eyes went a little wide.

“If this is your idea of a gift, you have lousy intuition,” he said definitely. “I’m not denying The Bangles knew how to rock in their own way, but they’re not really my style.”

“It’s Rory’s,” said Logan.

Jess shook his head. “Actually, it’s Lorelai’s, at least originally,” he corrected. “Why’s it here?”

Logan had a feeling Jess was more interested in why he was here rather than the CD, but there was one explanation to cover both and it was probably about time he gave it.

“Me and Rory, it didn’t work out.”

“I know that already. News from Stars Hollow travels fast and wide. Hey, aren’t you supposed to be in California?”

“I am. I was, in fact, until I found this,” said Logan, head tilting towards the CD on the counter again. “Y’know the whole time Rory and me were together, something was never quite how it should be. It was like there was a piece missing or a block in the road, I didn’t know exactly, never could figure it out. Until now.”

“And divine inspiration came from an all-girl rock band of the eighties?” asked Jess, not sure whether he was more intrigued or confused by all of this.

“Apparently.” Logan nodded. “I seem to remember you’re the one who taught our girl to write in margins, or so I was told,” he said then, pointer finger tapping the jewel case between them, “but that was only half the story. I could never be what she wanted, could never give her what she needed, I see that now.”

“At least that’s one thing we have in common.” Jess rolled his eyes.

Logan’s smirk widened to a smile as he shook his head. “Track two.”

Apparently that was all the parting shot Jess was to expect, because the next moment the door was clanging in Logan’s wake and he was gone. Picking the CD up off the counter, Jess studied the track listing a moment, removing the cover art next and flipping the pages. His eyes widened ever further then. This was too bizarre.

“If she knew what she wants,” he said to himself.

Jess smiled.

* * *

The look on her face was a picture when she opened the apartment door and saw him standing there. He couldn’t blame her for the shock, he had to be the very last person she was expecting.

“Jess? I don’t... Hi.”

“Hey, Rory,” he replied, smiling at how little she had really changed.

“Um, what are you doing here?” she asked, confusion clear to see and hear.

Despite practicing all the way here, Jess didn’t quite have the words yet. He flipped the CD towards her and her hands came up to catch it like instinct, a move they had both made a million times before, a thousand years ago.

“The Bangles,” she said, reading the cover. “I have this already.”

“You have this still,” he corrected her. “That’s your copy, or Lorelai’s, I think?”

Rory frowned, opened the case to inspect the inside. The doodling she found was most definitely her own. This really was her CD, and Jess was right, it had been her mother’s before. What she couldn’t understand was how it was here and why.

“Where did you...?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jess shook his head. “Look, Rory, there’s been a lot of water under the bridge, I know that. I screwed up, you screwed up, it’s hard to pick out the parts over the years where one of us wasn’t royally messing things up between us, but there were good times. I remember, there were.”

“There were,” she confirmed, finding a smile that came so easily when she recalled those rare but special moments he spoke of.

“I feel like maybe there are supposed to be a few more of those yet,” said Jess awkwardly, the king of words when writing but the verbal thing, it came and went, Rory remembered that clearly too. “We were young, we were stupid, whatever. It’s different now. It can be different. If you know what you want.”

“If I...?” Rory trailed off, glancing at the CD in her hand.

She remembered and they both knew it. The scribblings inside the CD case, the words, the markings, the thoughts and feelings she had been struggling with back then. She had revisited the lyrics to these songs as often as she had thought of him. Deep down, she had always known that he was what she wanted. If he knew what she wanted, he’d be giving it to her. She smiled at the thought and slowly nodded her head.

Jess had her in his arms in a second, as they hugged the life out of each other, and then when they kissed, it was just like old times and a new beginning all rolled into one. Nothing could ever feel as good as this.

‘Maybe we're just dreamers; some dreams come true.’


End file.
